onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize