captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
