hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
