Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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