not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
