Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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