she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hippo gnu deer
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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