i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
