if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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