this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
