You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
