Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
