is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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