she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
