I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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