I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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