You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
