glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
porn star boner night. come get it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
