What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sarcasm needs its own font
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize