I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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