Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize