i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
