Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
