good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
