I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize