I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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