: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
