john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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