You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
