good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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