I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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