when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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