I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
