Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
