I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Enjoy the penises
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
