Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
