I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
