careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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