We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
