cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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