he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can you bring me the toilet please
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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