Already got asked if we're dating
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
