It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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