He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
