The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
