it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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