I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
