tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
