Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
