there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
