guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
