I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
