That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
