I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
