something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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