So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
is it fun? or sober?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize