i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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