Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
