hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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