Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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