Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
