I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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