We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
