Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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