If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
