I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
