people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
