maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
