I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it hurts more in the daytime
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
