You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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