You just made me feel so damn special
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think my vagina is haunted
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize