Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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