if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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